let the butterfly soar

2005-07-28T20:22:00.000-07:00

i hate school. Damn philosophy paper! Dont bug me!

2005-07-27T02:32:00.000-07:00

dear god recover me
free me away from this misery
ressurect me from the pain within me
let me live with thee
i cant go through the pain
one more time i'll go insane
im trying, cant stop, in vain

more pain.. no gain

i missed all this:

your face, your kiss

our arguments and bliss

thats more i can list

why did you say goodbye?

i wished it was all a lie

now all i do is sit and cry

to pass my time till i die.
goodbye.

2005-07-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

why? i dun understand all of this misery you're giving me. haven't i proven myself worthy of you? no im NOT ok. khai dun you get it? dun you fuckin get it that i had sacrificed alot for you? what more do you want? i try so hard.. so damn hard to be your perfect wife the perfect company in your life but you just gotta do this! dont you remember how much you meant to me? all the times when ive cried because of you?dun you fucking know how much i loved you? you told me you knew.. so is this the way to love me back? what fashion of love is this? and for a reason so menial nonetheless! khai get this would you? think of what you've done.. think hard.. is this fair?

2005-07-09T11:18:00.000-07:00

Khai where are you? Grow up would you? Running away from your probs wont solve it! What the fuck do you think youre doin?! All these while i diam with kata2 u. I just gave u face and let u bully me! Now u fuckin here this: dalam satu week if u dont explain to me where fuck uve gone then i probably should rethink about us! Oh ya my damn helmet is with you so could u please pass it to me? Remember; you have 1 week!

2005-07-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

Khairul and me

its sunday and school starts tomorrow... haiz... i hate it... hahah im so hypocritical.

well, 3rd of july.. this date has a lot of meaning for me. a year ago i met this guy who swept me off my feet; one who i really adore and someone who i trusted my life with. today, i met him again to celebrate a wedding of my distant relative who happens to be his friend. such coincidences unfathomed. but today too marks one month of khairul and me surviving this relationship that we forged...

to Rush, happy one year.. i hope our friendship will not break apart.
to Khairul, i welcome you into my life...

2005-06-23T02:53:00.000-07:00

an angel from the skies above soaring through the skies...

2005-06-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

It seems that these past few days i feel much freeir than i had eyer been in months. Alot of things seemed to be fallin in place. I feel happy now..

2005-06-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

"kerna terlalu mempercayaimu
kau istimewa dalam hidupku..."

im waiting for that light to shine
to reap this sewing that ive done
to kiss all these wounds fine
undrunk me from the vicious twine

appalled i am this cant be true
i need to live my life away from you
to open doors that see me through
i need to start afresh and new

in my heart deep i seek for love
an angel brought from the heavens above
i seek for him that touched my soul
the one that made me feel so whole

my leaving you took lots of brave
i never meant no harm i gave
bereaved you may be i cant deny
time will heal you... let my ghost pass by

2005-06-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

ive closed that chapter! and starting a new book altogether!

2005-06-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

Well here i am after keepin mum of my whereabouts. Sori peeps just needed to lay low for a while. Bukan buang members but just needed time alone. Im just thinkin about some stuff thats all..

2005-05-29T10:13:00.000-07:00

haiz... when is school gonna start? im like so bored... wanna go to KL or somewhere if there's any takers though... da tak leh angs. bole jadi giler duduk pat singapore. 2 months of boredom and keje aje... otak boleh pecah seh. aku nak pi holiday!!! sape nak ikut?!!

2005-05-26T12:19:00.000-07:00

well suddenly there is sudden surge of men trying to get me. why? well scuse me but i aint gonna say yes to every freaking testosterone whose idea of love is getting me in bed! meluat seh.. aku ni ape? rare meat? and whats this stuff about lollipops and all? i aint dumb you know. im like trying to be nice to everyone but i cant. for example, theres this guy, fir... ok i kinda gotten close to him but things are getting out of hand and now my guard is back up. aku nak kawan sak bukan teman buat foya foya. and when emotions are involved it'll get messy. i hate that. so now things are kinda weird between us... shit that.. life.. what can i say huh? and then there are people who missed me after i dont go out with them no more. i cant help it if they are creeps?! but on a lighter note, went out with mimin the other to watch echo. kecoh ah citer tu... terkejut terkejut aje.. ok min emo mode trying to be lifted off aite? im trying dude~ the song is gonna stay though.... huahuahuha.... lastly, i wonder if the songs that is uploaded to a someones blog actually is trying to tell the viewers of what they are feeling.. if it is true, then think of mine...

2005-05-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

people tell me that i am too old for my age. wow. thats new. but im confused with my life. kasih sayang memang tidak boleh dijual beli. and there are people in my life who are pissing me off. BIG TIME. and there are lil' spectres of emergence of noticing people here and there. fuck it. i'll always be confused.

2005-05-05T08:51:00.000-07:00

i try to fool myself so badly. i keep telling myself that i can move on without you within a week or two. yes.. that was me. linda da playa. but i cant bounce away from you. im killing myself to stop thinking abt you. god... please correct my senses. am i not suffering enough? what more must i go through to stop thinking abt him? yes. i miss him. alot. or am i missing the past. a personified fragment of 'us' lies everywhere in my room. i really cant do this you know... photos lying around of happier times, clothes worn a zillion times to meet you. little gifts that you've given me... its everywhere! i tried to throw it all away last week but i cant. whats so wrong with me? people around me are enjoying their relationships but im so sonfused with mine. yes i am drifting away from you. that is the answer but you leave me with no choice. you are the one who brought me to life but you too killed my zest of life. why did you do it? im going crazy! maybe death was a better choice after all...

2005-05-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

i got myself a phone!!!!! i love it! huahuahuhuaua.
da woman wif da face in da phone is back!

2005-05-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

im lost.
so forlorn.
im so torn.
but he's there.
i must be fair.
thank you dear...
i appreciate it.
hopefully i wont miss it.
i want this to happen...

2005-05-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

hello stranger
we meet again
i've missed you much my long lost friend

hello stranger
are you staying long?
will you be singing that same old song?

hello stranger
have you come back to stay?
please tell me you're not going away

hey stranger
i want you as my friend
will you be there till time end?

stranger?
must i scream your name aloud?!
where are you? i lost you in the crowd

hey stranger
i'm begging you to stay
"dear god don't take him away", i pray...

please stranger
i don't want you to go
please come back... i love you so.

2005-04-28T06:21:00.000-07:00

im recovering
but my life is ending
i can't stop this bitching
all the hot headed fighting
im just waiting.
i want something
something's worth dying
something's worth sacrificing
but i'm no good in describing
lost. don't know where i'm heading
im just waiting.
waiting for all worth dying
just waiting...
for him.

2005-04-27T06:13:00.000-07:00

i went tanning with my classmates today. so~ fun. first time most of the people could make it (although it was only 8 girls). too bad some had to work today. parv cant make it since she went back to india yesterday... hope she had a safe trip home... well back to the picnic!!! we all met up at the coffeshop at harbourfront for breakfast and we headed to palawan by 11am. well it was a HOT day man... that was good. i felt myself being burnt by the tanning oil~ hehehe felt so good! i've been wanting for a tan for the past 4 months or so! finally got one. well.. the girls were great today. we played lotsa frisbee until some of us gotta fight over the plastic. hehe! hira damn cute sak... jumping around and stuff. nisha who actually didnt wanted to be in the water finally cracked up and joined us too. in short, i love my girls. thanks for being there for me at a time i needed most.

2005-04-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

my god school is officially over! finally i have no more marketing or presentations to do! now i can just concentrate on my life for the next two months or so. its never easy being a teenager. now i know why my older friends tell me that teenage years are the worst times of your life. but through hurt or joy, one must always look up and search for that particular ray of hope. i guess i should too. life is too short to stay muddled over a thing in the past. but sometimes i wished that the past is still the present. memang tak diduga aku memang merinduinya. im just waiting for him to come back. i know some of you who's reading this finds it a bit passe or cliche. but i really do miss him. da penat aku cuba melupakan dia tapi bayangan nya, wangian nya dan suara nya masih dapat aku rasakan. begitu sekali getaran yang dapat aku rasakan. hendak aku meneliti jejak langkah ku sekali lagi.... adakah kehadiran beliau yang sangat ku harapkan? bangkit linda. mengapa mesti kau duduk merenung lagi? sungguh sukar bagi ku untuk melupakan dia. i miss him all so much. i just hope you'd call me and say you love me once more...

2005-04-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder why im living in the past. i miss him. alot. i sometimes wished that he would come back to me. till then, i still love you...

2005-04-08T02:54:00.000-07:00

i hate you